GARUBA SHEHU AND HIS “PRESIDENTIAL RATS” by SHABA Mafu.

President Muhammadu Buhari returned from his medical vacation from London, just few days ago. His returning alive was greeted with mixed reactions as those who supported him went wild with jubilation, while those who were planning his replacement, thinking the man would die were woefully disappointed. Before his departure to the United Kingdom, the president had presided over the affairs of the nation from his official quarters of residence. So it was not news that the president was working from his official home, even after his return in order to reduce the daily stress of governance as he might need natural rest at home.

While no one believably may not have any grouses against the president working from home, the Special Assistant to the President on Media, Alhaji Garuba Shehu informed the country that the president would be overseeing the affairs of the nation, this time around, not because of the president’s health but that rats have invaded the president’s apartment, therefore the place must be put into proper shape before the president could pack in and use it. I was personally miffed by that untenable and frivolous excuse. How can the office of the president be invaded by rodents? Does it mean that if the president is on vacation, the office becomes abandoned and abominable to be seriously taken care of? Is the apartment very close to the bush to grant easy access to the rats, just like that? Was the entire compound deserted because the president was absent? If rats infested the place actually, it means there is no maintenance culture right from the handlers of the president’s affairs at that level. Even if  Garuba’s rats story is true, does that mean that nobody knew that the President would come at a certain day because that the President obviously did not sneak in to the country like a thief in the night. Why was it that the people could not simply tidy up the place before the arrival of the occupant? Is this not tactical negligence of a mammoth proportion which must be roundly condemned? May be I did not really understand the meaning of the rats’ occupation in Garuba’s term. They may not be the real rats like those commonly found in many parts of Lagos, particularly in Ajegunle, a surburb in Lagos where rats legitimately contend for relevance, with landlords and occupants of houses and apartments.

I suppose that the caked faeces of the rats garnished with the poisonous urine must have blocked the mouth-piece of the table-phone of the president by now? The fragrance that greets the president’s office would have been translated into a repugnant centre capable of comfortably inhabiting the local pigs. The explanation given by Garuba Shehu is embarrassing and demeaning to the office of the president of a country like Nigeria. Even if the president was away for a year, his residence should be properly taken care of, as a mark of respect for that exalted office and the nation in general. It will be unheard of to say, for instance, that Donald Trump of the United States was forced to relocate because while he was away, his office was infested with rats and other sister rodents while those employed to take care of the building continue to earn their undeserved pay.

For purpose of fairness, I do not wish to be judgmental, possibly what Shehu Garuba may actually be referring to are the metaphorical rats and not the common real rats known to the general public. But I counsel that there ought to be a better explanation as to why the president would work from his official home, than to tell the whole country that President Muhammadu Buhari has quietly excused himself from rats only to resume when the entire building is fumigated. What a wonder!