Nigeria, my beloved country is gradually descending into a repository of mysterious happenings. Funny, yet dangerous enough is now the symbols of animals used in perpetrating and mocking the sophisticated societal evils which are usually and shamelessly expressed in the public space without a dither in their consciences. We still recalled vividly when the President of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari travelled for medical attention, and his office at the Aso Rock graciously but satirically infested by the rodents, namely and jocularly called the presidential rats. Those rats were actually discovered or interpreted to be the cabals in the present administration who were more interested in the soup on the political table than the productive, corporate and effective governance of the Nigerian nation. They are like the parasitic tsetse fly that has perched on the scrotum of the president, who would need enough tact to exorcise them from that dangerous and vulnerable location. Perceivably, the rats are still parading the corridors of power and no effective and potent ‘poison’ has been discovered yet to flush them out from the present administration.
While still in the process of researching into the permanent solutions on the rats’ invasion of the Aso Rock, another bombshell was released within this week on the mysterious and herbivorous Snake that swallowed N36Billion in JAMB office. JAMB is an acronym of Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board. It is a Body set up by the federal government of Nigeria to conduct unified examinations to those seeking admissions into institutions of higher learning in the country.
In the episode under discussion, JAMB had sold tickets to students which accumulated to N36Million (Thirty Six Million Naira). When JAMB demanded the accounts of the sales of the tickets, an official of the Body, Mrs Philomina Chieshe, shocked the entire public by saying that a mysterious snake had swallowed the whooping sum of N36Million Naira from the Board’s office vault: the entire realized by JAMB from the sale of the tickets. This popular scenario played out in Benue State where the vampire herdsman had been on the killing spree since the beginning of this year, 2018. The JAMB Head of Information, Mr.Fabian Benjamin said that the defaulting staff has been suspended and the investigations are ongoing on the matter. In the same vein, within forty-eight hours after this strange happening, another N26Million has been reported missing from the JAMB office. This is becoming more sadly interesting!. No one has been told whether it was a chimpanzee that ate this one this time around. Corruption, summarily put, is the bane of Nigeria’s socio-economic progress. And this evil has been so instituted the people now make mockery of the potent poison against this nation. It is a monster that has placed this nation in a precipice, and if not jointly tackled headlong, might catapult the country into an irredeemable destruction.
The N36Million saga cannot appeal to the sense of even to a kindergarten pupil, how a snake would ordinarily swallow the physically mammoth size sum of N36Million cash from the vault in an office. May be God had just created that Snake monster last week and put it very close to the vault and breathed the breath of life into it, only in the presence of the spiritually powerful Philomena or her housemaid. Or could it be that the vault located in a forest as a detachment from the JAMB office? If not that, then how did the snake crawl to the office with only Mrs. Philomena seeing it? Though in her feeble defence, she explained that it was actually her housemaid that connived with another woman named Joan Asen to ‘spiritually steal the money’. But wait! Is the housemaid a staff of JAMB or appointed by Mrs. Philomena on self-recognition to guard the vault? How does she come to the conclusion that Asen connived with the housemaid to swallow the money through a snake?. If the money was actually swallowed by a literal snake, why did she not report the ‘HOUSEmaid’ to the authorities of JAMB? Where is the housemaid and Asen at present, so that they could also tell the snake to vomit back the money? Which way Nigeria, in all these tear-invoking corruption cases?
In a swift reaction, my comrade Senator representing Kaduna South senatorial constituency, Mr. Shehu Sani has mobilized snake-charmers to the JAMB office to ensure that the mystery snake vomits the N36Million. A good step I must say. I also expect that the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) to overhaul the entire financial structure and apparatus of the entire JAMB and to thoroughly dig deeper than what presently meets the eye of the public. There might still be more rottenness hiding somewhere and more confessions to make.
This woman definitely has collaborators who would have planned to steal this money, and jointly agreed to cook this kind of frivolous and purgative story when eventually caught. There should be diligent prosecution of these mad thieves. Before been drafted for prosecution, these alleged saboteurs should go through psychiatric test in the famous Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital, located in Yaba-Lagos, to ascertain their mental balance.
Finally, I have come to discover that if this administration actually fights corruption as it ought to, many rich Nigerians will become instant paupers, because many so-called rich men in Nigeria actually feast on corruption and its attendant proceeds. This government is therefore called to bare its full fangs against corruption, being the mantra of President Muhammadu Buhari administration.
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